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Coming back to the United States wasn’t easy. In a way, I never came back.
At least, if by the “I” I’m talking about is the me who got on a plane in Chicago in August 2008. That person didn’t come back to the United States. No, on the island of Ebeye, she was transformed into the person who got off the plane in Chicago in May 2009. And that affected everything. Twelve days after I came home to what felt like the coldest summer on record (it wasn’t), I headed to my summer job: camp. Now, I had worked at camp the three previous summers, so what would be different? I had been warned about reverse culture shock and so I expected to happen, but it was mostly easy to ignore it or not recognize it. Why? I was surrounded by people who knew I had spent the last ten months out as an SM (and who kept commenting on my tan and weight loss). The girls’ director had also just returned from the islands as well. (We commiserated about how cold it was.) Still, little things ended up bugging me. Once, I irrationally snapped at another staff member while we were cleaning the girls’ bathroom. Why? She’d removed a toilet paper roll that still had paper on it. Halfway through me saying, “Why are you wasting that?” I realized that I’d been thinking that we needed to use all we could of the toilet paper because, on Ebeye, it was super expensive. I ended up explaining and apologizing. Despite the experience of the three previous summers, it felt like I was starting all over again. All my friendships had changed, mostly because I had. But it was a lot of work. I had spent ten months on Ebeye with the same group of fifteen to twenty people, all working toward the same goal of running the school and reaching out to the community. Now I was in the middle of a staff of forty-five, still united with the end goal of reaching campers. My world had basically doubled in twelve days. I had to re-learn how I fit into the staff, and how I related to the other staff members, especially those who had known the previous me. But I worked through the difficulties and made it through those first weeks and months back. Five years later, I am still adjusting because, like I said, I never really came back from Ebeye. Part of my heart is still there, and I returned as a different and better version of myself. I am not a former student missionary, I am a returned student missionary. When I returned to Southern Adventist University, I ended up making the friends who are now my closest friends. The experiences I had overseas ended up paying off when I was unexpectedly promoted to director of the crafts and ceramics department in the middle of that first summer back. A few years later, my camp director and his wife told me that the best decision I ever made was being a student missionary. I couldn’t agree more. By Ashlee Chism A few years ago, this article was published from Adventist News Network. It highlights the very real and common challenges of re-entry through some personal experiences of a few returned student missionaries.
As I have talked with former SMs–who served from the 70s, 80s, 90s and beyond–many of the symptoms of re-entry are the same, no matter the decade or century. I’ve also found that some return SMs don’t like to be labeled in a category of “reverse culture shock,” and tend to think it only has to do with getting used to shopping malls and traffic. But I think the process of re-entry and adjusting back to life at home often has a lot more to do with relationships–feeling lonely, displaced, misunderstood, and a bit left-behind. You could experience some of the same feelings if you’d just dropped out of school for a year and returned, but it can often be intensified by your mission experience because it ran so deep and few are willing or able to take the time to try to understand that. And similarly, you might have a lower appreciation of the changes that happened at home because you were off having your adventures. Eventually, you find your middle ground with new shared experiences, and even a few people who enjoy your mission stories. Until then, you can know you’re not immune, and you’re not the only one. Whether it’s easy or hard, fast or slow, everyone gets to go through some adjustments. But the same God who brought you through your mission experience will not leave you now. What was the most helpful thing(s) others did to help you adjust to being back home? Or what do you think would have made it easier? Here are a few answers from some returned missionary facebook friends (who will remain anonymous):
“Having people to talk to or not talk to about the experience. Without the pressure of having the ‘right’ answer. It is especially hard after leaving the college scene.” “Finding people to relate to. Another is keeping your life active. Spiritual, outdoors, and other areas should have a challenge and purpose. Having God reveal His purpose helped my mind adjust to the change.” “It is a tremendous help to be able to talk openly about things that may have bothered you, doubly so if you went to a place with tremendous political upheaval. It is not uncommon to have our sense of justice and fairness assailed in other cultures since our values systems may be different, or even things that both cultures deplore must be accepted because of the circumstances. Sometimes, the work can seem so overwhelming, especially when one leaves and can see there is still so much to do…” “Just letting me talk about my SM experience.” “My biggest struggle was feeling like I was shoved from a very adult, independent life back into the land between adulthood and childhood. I felt like my life as a student was painfully trivial. I really needed a meaningful and challenging job to distract me and build on the skills I depended on rather than abandon them. I eventually made that for myself , but I think the transition would have been much easier if I have been given that much earlier.” “Keeping connected with God and staying busy. It was hard getting home and everyone went to work and I had nothing to do all day.” “It was hard to go from a small, by the end of the year closely knitted group to being back at university where I didn’t know where and when friends would be around. Also, to go back from living off cash to having to use my ID card again and living in the dorm with an RA when I had lived in an apartment for the previous ten months. I’m not sure what would have helped, but I did enjoy getting to talk about my experiences.” “Ohh man….still adjusting. lol. I’ll get back to you when I’ve adjusted. :)" Remember those times when you were a missionary and life was terrible? Those times you would sigh and close your eyes and let your mind take you where the living was easy…your couch at home, Taco Bell, sitting in vespers at college…
Remember those times when you came back to your homeland and life was terrible? Those times you would sigh and close your eyes and let your mind take you where the living was easy…the hammock by the beach, snowboarding, the laughter of native kids… Maybe the living is always easier somewhere else. But may God give you the wisdom to choose to live today, wherever you are, even when it’s not easy. When you return from being a missionary, it takes awhile to transition from your “missionary world” to your “home world.” (Yes, perhaps the greatest under-statement of the year.) Besides the social and environmental adjustments, there are often a lot of emotions to endure as well–some good, some bad, but all of them pretty distracting. You quickly discover that living in two worlds at once is difficult–so you end up picking one and leaving the other one behind–at least for awhile. Sometimes you might move from one to the other or even go back and forth between worlds for awhile.
Sometimes you pick the old world. Usually this happens when your mission experience was mostly positive. The world you’ve returned to is a blur, too much to deal with, or maybe not as fun or meaningful as your mission experience. So you escape through pictures, songs, native food and clothing–anything that makes you feel like you’re still in that world. You miss everything–even the stuff you used to hate. Nothing around you right now can measure up to that experience and those emotional highs. You are constantly trying to communicate with others at your mission site or those who you once served with–through facebook, email, Skype–or maybe even making lots of trips to the Post Office. Though others might think you really need to just move on, and the sooner the better, you will be sure to use the deep lessons of your past to help you face your present and future. Sometimes you pick the new world. Maybe you had a more difficult experience, or you don’t have the energy or time to deal with the emotions–good or bad–that come with thinking about your mission experience. You avoid looking at pictures for awhile, and for some reason it’s really hard to stay in contact with those you served with or who are still at your mission site. You kind of hope people won’t ask you about your experience, and if they do, you try to pacify them with short, acceptable answers. You might dive into your new world with exhilaration–new friends, new clothes, new classes, new job, new identity. Underneath, you may not feel like you totally fit in this new world yet, but you’re going to try. This can be helpful for awhile, so you can establish yourself firmly in the present, and later go back and try to incorporate the past. Whichever world you choose will have it’s benefits and draw-backs. Either way, you will probably often feel restless and frustrated. You will misunderstand others and feel misunderstood. You will draw on comfort from the past or hope in the future to help you keep going until one day things feel more normal. Until then, here are a few suggestions for whichever world you are in: 1. Make your relationship with God a priority. Your spiritual life can feel like its in shambles as you transition, but God understands. He wants to journey with you, so keep talking to Him. And He actually has a lot to say in His Word if you’re willing to go there. Ask others to pray for you too. 2. Do your best to communicate to others–in both worlds–what you’re going through, and maybe which world you are camped in for awhile. This can help prevent a lot of misunderstandings, and can actually make you feel more supported. 3. Live in healthy community. The temptation to hide can be super strong, whether that’s isolating or over-socializing. It’s ok to have your season of withdrawing or extroverting for awhile, but healthy community–at least a few good friends who you can be honest with–will keep you on track as you transition. 4. Be patient but keep growing. Take your time in whatever world you’re in for awhile, but eventually you’ll be ready to move on. If you feel like you’re stuck and need help with that–whether it’s facing the past or the present–make it a priority to find it. Counseling is not a four-letter word. 5. This too shall pass. Keep in mind you will feel normal again one day, and you will be able to face both worlds without too much distress. It might be two months from now or two years, but the time itself doesn’t matter as much as the growing and learning through it. “I have called you back from the ends of the earth so you can serve me. For I have chosen you and will not throw you away.” Isaiah 41:9 (NLT) |
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